For anyone who has yet to watch the Oprah interview with Meghan and Harry that aired on March 7, 2021 on CBS, please do. There are so many lessons to be learned and shared. One of the most remarkable pieces of the interview was when Meghan discussed the painful experience of living with suicidal thoughts. All while feeling forced to put on a happy smile and a brave face to live up to her royal duties. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Living with a mental health diagnosis is a different journey for everyone. There are some who are in treatment with a wonderful therapist, some who cannot afford treatment, some who suspect a diagnosis but have not been formally diagnosed, some who are struggling to accept their diagnosis, some who have seen a therapist who was not a good fit for them, some who focus on self-help and self-care, some who are afraid to look for a doctor for themselves, some who have a great doctor, some who have recovered, some who are actively working toward recovery, some with more than one mental health diagnosis, some who need medication, and some who opt not to take medication.
The act of Meghan Markle opening up about her mental health and suicidal thoughts is equal parts powerful and courageous. Stigma is still a very large part of why many people do not seek treatment. Her willingness to share her emotions and thoughts directly addresses the stigma associated with mental health. This interview is so important because it opens the door to conversations about what it feels like to struggle with mental health symptoms, the challenge of accessing resources, and stigma associated with mental health especially for women and people of color.
This interview also highlights the fact that mental health does not discriminate when it comes to race, gender, social status, or economic status. All people can be equally affected by mental health issues throughout their lifespan depending on the circumstances.
If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online.
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
It is certainly difficult to come to terms with treating a patient who seemingly may not be benefiting from therapy. It is also quite easy to view that as a failure on the part of the therapist. However, it is important to remember that patients come to the office with years of trauma. And the expectation on behalf of a therapist to lift the burden of that trauma in a short amount of time is a recipe for failure.
The truth is, as therapists we are not responsible for making every patient better. We are responsible for trying. The goal of therapy is to alleviate suffering which can take a tremendous amount of time, sometimes years before the benefits of therapy can be seen.
We have a responsibility to walk with our patients through their journey of suffering, and try to help where we can. But bearing the responsibility of “fixing” every patient’s problems sets the therapist up for failure and increases likelihood of burnout. This also sets the precedent that the therapist has all the answers, which is far from the truth.
The therapist provides an objective lens through which to see the patient and their struggles. To think that we have any power over the situation, or are somehow in a position to single-handedly and directly change patient outcomes is shortsighted.
At times this is difficult as we do grow quite close to our patients over time. We learn about them, care about them, and want the best for them. However, as therapists we are not in a position to judge what that should look like, or pull strings to make it so.
Therapy is about the patient, not the therapist. At the end of the day the patient, and only the patient is able to decide what they want out of therapy, what they get out of it, and what to do with the insight they gather.
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
There is a strong connection between mindfulness and wellness. Mindfulness is the act of calling the mind to attention in the present moment, focusing on what is happening in the now. This process involves switching from passively engaging with thoughts and actively observing and experiencing them.
Journaling is a mindfulness activity with multiple benefits including processing experiences, increasing self-awareness, improving self-confidence, all of which contribute to physical and emotional healing.
Journaling has been shown to decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression, lower stress, and improve sleep. Plus, journaling can be fun, it doesn’t have to be something you add to you already long to-do list.
There are many different types of journaling including free-writing also called “stream of consciousness” writing where you just write whatever comes to mind in the moment, guided journaling where you respond to a prompt or series of prompts, and gratitude journaling where you write down things that you are grateful for.
The nice thing about journaling is that you can do this activity as often as you want whether it be daily, several times a week, or once a month. If you want to get into the habit of journaling regularly, set a realistic goal about how often you think you will be able to write. You are much more likely to stick to your goals if they are specific and attainable. If you’re really busy, setting an intention to journal every day for the next 365 days may not be viable, maybe commit to writing once a week and adjust from there.
Resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prefrontal-nudity/201211/the-grateful-brain
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
Social restriction due to the pandemic is already challenging for many, and can be even more isolating if a loved one tests positive for COVID.
How can you support someone who has tested positive for COVID?
1. Make a call. One of the easiest first steps to help someone connect is to reach out and call them to see how they’re doing. While sending a text may seen thoughtful, it can also come across as more impersonal. Making a phone call can mean so much to someone who is struggling in isolation.
2. Schedule a surprise. If you can’t physically be with someone, there are other ways to try and support them. Try sending a care package with snacks, entertainment, or self-care items. Quarantine can be lonely, so helping someone make their environment more enjoyable can be helpful.
3. Do a joint activity. There are several apps where you can play a game or watch a movie together that closely emulates spending time together in person. Doing a shared activity keeps people connected and engaged at a time they may be needing it the most.
4. Drop off meals or groceries. If a person is sick, they may not have time or energy to stock up on necessities. Consider preparing a home cooked meal, bag of groceries or toiletries and schedule a contact-less drop-off for safety.
5. Try snail mail. Sometimes receiving a tangible product in the mail can bring joy to someone’s day. A letter or a card is something a friend or loved one can read over and over when they need extra support and are feeling isolated.
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
Dealing with a breakup is difficult which can result in a resurgence of habits that take a toll on our mental health. Managing a breakup in an empowered way helps us to deal with hurt in a positive and productive way as opposed to taking the pain out on ourselves.
- Self-care is key. If your best friend called you and told you they broke up with their significant other, what would you do to make them feel better? Then do that for you.
- Cry it out. Don’t hold it in. Breakups are hard, and the feeling you have are valid. With each good cry you let go of the hurt a little bit more.
- Unplug. Especially from social media. It is human nature to want to see what your ex is up to after a break up. However, ask yourself the question… is looking at their photos, comments, likes, friends they added, etc. going to be helpful? Probably not.
- Create change. Sprucing up your room, home, or office space can breathe new life into a space that might feel empty after a break-up. It’s amazing how far a good clean, a scented candle, and a furniture switch-a-roo can go.
- Spend time with friends and family. We all need support when we’re feeling down.
- Get moving. Fresh air can lift your spirit, and exercise helps increase endorphins in your body which can help improve your mood.
- Enjoy being single. Relationships, especially difficult ones can take up a lot of time and energy. Break ups are a way to let go of a relationship that no longer serves your best interests. Sometimes being single is better than being in an unhappy relationship. Now is the time to focus on you and what makes you happy.
- It’s ok to ask for help. If you are really struggling talk to someone about it. There’s is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Sometimes an objective party can help you to process the loss and painful emotions that come with it. They can also provide extra support that you may feel uncomfortable about asking friends and for, and may also be able to teach you new ways of coping.
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
Kids are very intelligent and naturally curious. If you or someone in your family struggles with a mental illness, there is a good chance that your child has some understanding of what that means. It is important to have conversations about mental health with children early, as confusion, misunderstanding, and misinterpretation can cause them a significant amount of distress.
For example, if a parent struggles with depression and has trouble getting out of bed, taking them to school, making it to their school events, or celebrating important events like birthdays. Sometimes kids will assume that they are unloved or unwanted. This is a narrative that is important to correct early. Children, especially young children often view things like a parent’s depression as their fault when in reality they don’t have any control over a parent’s depression or other mental illness.
How you talk to your child about mental health depends on their age. For younger children using age-appropriate words, short sentences, and fewer details can be helpful. Younger children are more visual, which means they focus more on what they can see.
Mental illness at times can be a difficult topic to discuss due to the often subjective nature of symptoms. Sometimes comparing the experience to a physical illness like asthma can be helpful. For example, people with asthma can live a healthy life with treatment that helps with symptoms. Sometimes the symptoms can get worse if there is environmental or physical stress, but rarely do people with asthma get so sick that they have to go to the hospital.
Older children are more inquisitive, so doing a little bit of homework before embarking on the path of conversation is helpful. Kids often ask questions like: what is a mental illness? What causes it? Who can have or get a mental illness? How it is treated? They are more likely to ask about specifics like “why does Daddy get so mad when he drinks?” or “why does Grandma talk to herself when there’s no one around her?” Kids are very perceptive, so it is important to answer their questions directly and honestly so their feelings are validated which in turn reassures them about their concerns and feelings.
Adolescents are generally capable of handling more information, and also asking more specific and difficult questions. Teenagers generally speak more openly with their peers as opposed to their parents, usually because there is more of a give and take when it comes to conversation. Adolescents tend not to tolerate conversations that are one-sided, they are much more engaged when there is an open discussion as opposed to a lecture.
This is a conversation that should occur when there is enough time to sit down and talk undistracted. Times of crisis are not the best moments to have these important discussions. It will also be important to gauge your child’s response during the conversation. If they become upset or disengage this could be due to confusion or feeling overwhelmed. It’s ok to slow down, back up, or have the conversation over a period of time. It’s important to allow for questions as well. It is also okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes kids will ask questions about things that we don’t know how to respond to. Admitting that shows that we are human and still have a lot to learn as well.
It is natural as a parent to want to avoid having difficult conversations. However, talking about mental health is important because it creates an opportunity for parents to connect with their kids, provide information, support, and guidance and to promote understanding and compassion for those who may be struggling.
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
An emotional support animal is any animal that provides comfort by being with a person who needs them. These animals have not been trained to perform a specific task, which means that they are not synonymous with service animals as defined by the Americans with Disabilities Act. While emotional support animals do not require specific training, they should be well-mannered in public. If they are not, both you and your animal may be asked to leave an establishment.
The first step toward getting an emotional support animal starts with a need for one. There are many mental health conditions in which an emotional support animal can be helpful. This includes but is not limited to: depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and claustrophobia. There is no official licensing or governing agency to obtain an emotional support animal. The best place to start is with a licensed mental health professional or your primary care doctor, especially if you already have an established relationship with them. That way you can discuss physical health, mental health, emotional health and get the appropriate care you need in addition to an emotional support animal letter if indicated.
There are many sites where you can pay to get an emotional support animal letter. It is important to use caution when searching these websites, as the people providing these letters may not have a background in physical or mental health. For a person to legally qualify for an emotional support animal, they must be considered to have an emotional disability as determined by a licensed mental health provider or a primary care physician. Many of these sites have disclaimers denying any responsibility for providing an emotional support letter that does not meet the legal requirements in a person’s state. It is important to go to a reputable source for this letter, as misrepresentation of an emotional support animal is not only unethical, but in some states may also be illegal. Individuals with emotional support animals are protected under the Fair Housing Act which means that their emotional support animal is able to live with their owner even in non-pet-friendly housing. There is also protection under the Air Carrier Access Act which allows both service animals and emotional support animals to travel with their owners in the cabin of an aircraft during a flight.
Resources
https://www.hud.gov/program_offices/fair_housing_equal_opp/fair_housing_act_overview
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
How has COVID-19 affected children?
COVID-19 has robbed children and adolescents of predictability, which is an important stabilizing factor in daily life for kids. Uncertainty, social isolation, parental stress, etc. all have an impact on the mental health of our children, especially those with previously diagnosed mental health conditions. There are many new worries that children are now faced with including whether or not they will be able to return to school in person, see their friends, visit relatives, become ill, have a friend/family member who gets sick, and it is also difficult for caregivers to assuage these anxieties given the uncertainty of our current circumstances. This can lead to an increase in nervousness, sadness, behavioral problems, sleep disruption, irritability, difficulty with focus and concentration which are several common signs of stress in children.
With increased stress and uncertainty, what do children need most right now?
Love, compassion and kindness can go a very long way to help with reduction of stress. It is not unusual for kids to regress when they are under stress. Younger children may become clingier, may have previously been potty trained and are now having more accidents, it is important to be patient with them.
Children are also naturally curious, which means they will have questions that may be difficult to answer. It’s okay to talk with your child about COVID-19. Answering questions in an age-appropriate manner can help decrease stress and worry your child may be experiencing. Limiting your child’s exposure to news coverage can also help to prevent exposure to unnecessary stress. Children may misinterpret what they hear on TV and can be easily frightened by things they don’t understand. Children are very observant, and are watching how we navigate this difficult time. By taking care of yourself, you are modeling for your child how to manage stress as they get older.
If a child has mental health condition, does that exclude them from mask wearing and/or following social distancing protocols?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that children 2 years of age and older wear a mask when in public or around individuals they do not live with. The CDC also recognizes that wearing masks may not be possible for every child in every situation, especially if children have certain disabilities including cognitive delays, intellectual disabilities, developmental delays, and behavioral/sensory difficulties. In cases where children are unable to tolerate wearing a mask there are other protective measures that can be implemented.
It is very important to note that the following measures are not meant to replace evidence based preventative actions like mask wearing, hand washing, and social distancing that are known to reduce transmission of the virus and keep children and families safe.
The CDC recommends that children who are not able to wear a mask or are unable to tolerate wearing a mask should engage in activities virtually whenever possible. If there are activities done in person, choosing a space where there is greater ventilation and the ability to keep six feet from others is also beneficial. It is also important to try and avoid frequent touching of the face. Try your best to prioritize mask wearing when it is difficult to keep a six-foot distance from others to minimize exposure and transmission.
What can you do to support children who are anxious, depressed, etc.?
One thing we all need right now, especially for our kids is optimism. Anxiety and uncertainty are a part of daily life, but there are ways to help children navigate the challenges 2020 has brought us, whether in our own household or in our professional practice as healthcare providers.
- Model it – children will look to their caregivers for cues on how to respond to life stresses. As parents, it is important to model the characteristics you would like your child to exhibit. Why? Because kids are constantly watching and listening to you. Healthy habits, including optimism start with having an optimistic mindset yourself.
- Practice looking for the positive – daily life is full of unexpected challenges, and celebrating lessons learned from those difficulties can help your children to become more optimistic. Try encouraging your kids to share one positive experience they have every day. This gets them into the habit of looking for the positive as opposed to focusing on the negative.
- Encourage kids to accomplish tasks on their own – providing opportunities for your child to be successful goes a very long way with regard to developing a strong sense of self. When children are able to achieve success and are praised for doing so, this builds their sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Age-appropriate activities like chores, baking, art projects, etc. are great place to start.
- Allow kids to try new things – as a parent it is natural to want to protect your child from everything. However, it’s important to let kids explore and try new activities. Being too involved, or too supportive can inadvertently send the message that the child is unable to do things on their own and require parental intervention/reassurance to be successful. This is the opposite of what we are trying to instill in our children.
- Nip negative self-talk in the bud – just like adults, children can be very critical of themselves. If you hear your child saying things like “It’s too hard” or “I can’t do it” do your best to redirect these thoughts in the moment to statements that are more positive. Instead try to encourage statements like “this might be difficult right now, and with some practice this will get easier.”
- Keep it real – optimistic thinking is not the same as sugar coating. The truth is our kids are not going to be great at everything, and things will not always turn out the way they imagined. Struggle and disappointment is a part of everyday life. Optimistic thinking involves looking at a situation and accepting it as is, and choosing to view it with a positive lens. It is important to send your child the message that as long as they did their best, that is all that they can ask of themselves and is something to be proud of. This allows kids to see the innate value in their efforts even if they do not meet their own expectations.
Resources
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/children/protect-children.html
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/prevention.html
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
What are the symptoms of depression and what can cause it?
Depression feels like there is no pleasure or joy in life. It’s so much more than being sad. Depression robs people of things they once loved, and for many people they feel like nothing will bring them joy again.
Concentration and focus becomes much more difficult, which can makes any kind of decision making very challenging. Sometimes people describe this as being in a fog as they are unable to think clearly or follow what is happening around them.
For many with depression it feels like there is no way out. Everything feels hopeless, like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. This can lead to feeling of failure, worthlessness, and lead to suicidal thoughts or action.
Depression also has a significant impact on sleep. This often manifests as trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, frequent night time awakening, feeling tired upon waking despite getting an adequate number of hours of sleep. This can lead to feeling of exhaustion and low energy which can prevent people from even being able to get out of bed, or perform daily activities like showering, eating and brushing their teeth.
Sometimes depression can be physically painful. It is not unusual for people with depression to feel body aches, headaches, muscle tension, and even nausea.
There are several conditions that can cause depressive symptoms including hypothyroidism, anemia, and vitamin D deficiency to name a few. This is why it is important to also be evaluated for co-morbid medical causes that may be contributing to be sure the root cause of the symptoms is being treated.
Why does what you say to someone with depression matter?
People with depression often feel like they are alone, a burden to others, like their depression is a weakness or a character flaw. Depression acts like a filter that screens out all things positive and only focuses on the negative. People amidst a depressive episode are already having a difficult time, and can be very affected by the things people say around them especially if the feedback they are getting is negative.
What do you consider the most important things not to say to someone with depression and why?
“Snap out of it.” Living with depression is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. So when someone tells you to just “snap out of it” when you’re already trying your best, life can feel even more hopeless.
“It’s all in your head.” This phrase is unempathetic, dismissive and hurtful. People who live with depression may not know why they are depressed which can make them feel even worse. They often feel guilty for not being able to enjoy the things they do have in their lives that are positive.
“It could be worse.” The level of pain a person is experiencing is not a competition. While it is true that others may appear to have it worse than a person struggling with depression, it doesn’t negate the feelings a person living with depression has. What may seem like a small problem to others can feel insurmountable to someone living with depression.
Why is it bad to tell someone with depression to cheer up and what can you do instead that’s positive?
A common mistaken belief is that depression is a choice. Family, friends, and other close to a person who is depressed can often become frustrated as they don’t see why a person can’t just turn their depression off like a light switch. People with depression are unable to simply turn the symptoms off, or decide one day to stop feeling depressed. Depression is a real mental illness and recovery is a process. And like any of us who have ever recovered from an illness, accident, surgery, etc. we all need help sometimes.
What can you say to someone instead of invalidating their feelings?
Instead try asking them if they want to talk, remind them that they matter, and if you’re not sure what to do, ask how you can help.
Why is it bad to blame someone for their depression?
There are many factors that can contribute to a person becoming depressed. Genetics, psychology, brain chemistry, chronic medical conditions, physical pain, environmental circumstances, inadequate nutrition, etc. can have an impact on whether or not someone develops depression. The bottom line is that depression is not a choice, so blaming someone for something they did not ask for and can not control is insensitive.
Why is it bad to ignore someone with depression?
People with depression are at increased risk of suicidal thoughts or self-injurious behaviors. Ignoring someone who is struggling is not only unhelpful, but it can also be harmful.
How can telling someone with depression that others have it worse or shaming them have negative consequences?
Shaming is not helpful, and can actually make things worse. A common misconception is that people with depression are selfish, when in reality it’s quite the opposite. People living with depression care deeply about other people and the impact they have on their lives. They often experience guilt about being depressed, feel like they are a burden, and often blame themselves for not being able to feel better.
What are ways to support someone with depression/help them get the treatment they need?
Encourage them to see a doctor if they have not yet, and provide reassurance that there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Depression is treatable, but people often feel embarrassed or ashamed of their depression and may be skeptical of whether treatment is possible.
What should you do if someone has expressed harming themselves, others, or is having suicidal thoughts?
Take those statements seriously and get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is open 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255 to assist.
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
2020 has been a whirlwind of new challenges and hardship. In a year that has been filled with sad, dark, and at times depressing days we need a resolution remix for 2021.
Below are some new takes on an old tradition to help kick start the new year off right.
- Kick deprivation to the curb. Many of us have tried strict dieting in the past, and it’s no secret that this is unsustainable. It’s about moderation. The world will not end if you eat that scrumptious cupcake that’s staring at you in the bakery window. It’s also important to put things into perspective. In 2020 millions of people were faced with the possibility of their own mortality. Do a thought experiment. If you were to die tomorrow, what would you really want to do? Or say? Or feel? Think about that as we slide into 2021 and take charge of your life.
- Don’t take it personally. There are some people in our lives that can really mess with our positive vibes. Remember that when negative people try to bring you down. It’s not about you, it’s about THEM. Take it with a grain of salt and keep on moving. You cannot control others, you can only control how you react to them. Make the choice not to buy into the negativity.
- Be kind to yourself. Sometimes the things we say to ourselves are things we would NEVER dream of saying to other people we care about. Words are so powerful and can influence the way we view and feel about ourselves. It is important to mind your words and your language because contrary to popular belief, words can hurt immensely.
- If you had a breakup this year, enjoy being single. Unplug. Especially from social media. It is human nature to want to see what your ex is up to after a break up. However, ask yourself the question… is looking at their photos, comments, likes, friends they added, etc. going to be helpful? Probably not. Enjoy being single. Relationships, especially difficult ones can take up a lot of time and energy. Break ups are a way to let go of a relationship that no longer serves your best interests. Sometimes being single is better than being in an unhappy relationship. Now is the time to focus on you and what makes you happy.
- Focus on the positive. Thoughts, behaviors, and feelings are all closely linked and thus influence each other. In other words, your emotions can change based on what you choose to focus on. One effective way to break out of a negative space (ie. much of 2020) is by choosing to focus on something positive. For example, is the glass half-empty or half-full? Well, that depends on how you choose to view it.
- Invite gratitude in. Gratitude is a purposeful practice of thinking about what you have in your life right now. Practicing gratitude teaches us that despite our missteps or mistakes, there are still people in our lives who love and care for us, and things in our lives that we can look forward to. Journaling, creating a gratitude box or jar, and meditation can go a very long way toward tapping into the power of positivity and a happier new year.
- Shape your environment. Our environment has a very big impact on our mental health. While there are many things in our immediate environment that we are not able to control, there are some things that we can. One of the best first steps you can take is one small act in the morning. Admiral William H. McRaven author of Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life…And Maybe the World is based on a 2014 graduation speech he gave at the University of Texas that went viral. In that famous speech he discussed the importance of your environment. He said,
“if you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you’ll never be able to do the big things right. If, by chance, you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that’s made. That you made. And a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.” - Take care of your physical and mental health. Staying hydrated, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercise helps you manage the ups and downs of life. It is much harder to stay positive if you’re sick, tired, stressed or in pain. We all need help sometimes and maybe finding a therapist is a great way to kick start 2021. Talking to someone who is an objective party can help with creation of coping skills, provide extra support, and can also assist with identification of negative thought patterns that may be adversely affecting you. With the expansion of telemedicine, it’s possible to find a therapist online if you don’t feel comfortable going to an office. And you can see them in the comfort of your own home.
- Dream big. Goals and dreams are success in its infancy. What better way to start 2021 than to keep your eye on a new prize at all times. Goals and dreams give you purpose and help invoke drive, motivation, and many other emotions that inspire you to get to work.
Always remember that it’s about progress, not perfection. The above strategies are just suggestions to get you started. You have everything you need in you to live a more happy and peaceful life. It is not possible or expected that we be positive 24/7 365, the goal is to try to allow more positivity to shine through even in the darkest of days.
For more information check out:
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook @anjaniamladimd
Click here to subscribe to my mailing list and receive exciting news and updates.
One thing we all need right now, especially for our kids, is optimism. Anxiety and uncertainty are part of daily life. Still, there are ways to help children navigate the challenges 2020 has brought us, whether in our own household or our professional practice as health care providers.
1. Model it. Children will look to their caregivers for cues on how to respond to life stresses. As parents, it is important to model the characteristics you would like your child to exhibit. Why? Because kids are constantly watching and listening to you. Healthy habits, including optimism, start with having an optimistic mindset yourself.ADVERTISEMENT
2. Practice looking for the positive. Daily life is full of unexpected challenges, and celebrating lessons learned from those difficulties can help your children become more optimistic. Try encouraging your kids to share one positive experience they have every day. This gets them into the habit of looking for the positive as opposed to focusing on the negative.
3. Encourage kids to accomplish tasks on their own. Providing opportunities for your child to be successful goes a very long way about developing a strong sense of self. When children can achieve success and are praised for doing so, this builds their sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Age-appropriate activities like chores, baking, art projects, etc., are great places to start.
4. Allow kids to try new things. As a parent, it is natural to want to protect your child from everything. However, it’s important to let kids explore and try new activities. Being too involved or too supportive can inadvertently send the message that the child cannot do things on their own and require parental intervention/reassurance to be successful. This is the opposite of what we are trying to instill in our children.
5. Nip negative self-talk in the bud. Just like adults, children can be very critical of themselves. If you hear your child saying things like “It’s too hard” or “I can’t do it,” do your best to redirect these thoughts at the moment to more positive statements. Instead, try to encourage statements like “this might be difficult right now, and with some practice, this will get easier.”
6. Keep it real. Optimistic thinking is not the same as sugar coating. The truth is our kids are not going to be great at everything, and things will not always turn out the way they imagined. Struggle and disappointment are a part of everyday life. Optimistic thinking involves looking at a situation, accepting it as is, and choosing to view it with a positive lens. It is important to send your child the message that as long as they did their best, that is all that they can ask of themselves and is something to be proud of. This allows kids to see the innate value in their efforts, even if they do not meet their own expectations.
*Originally published on KevinMD.com
https://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2020/12/6-ways-to-help-children-navigate-the-challenges-of-2020.html
There’s nothing like the holidays and a new year around the corner to remind us that 2020 is almost over. This year let’s try to take nothing for granted. Especially since millions of Americans will soon sit down to a holiday meal with one or more loved ones missing. Those empty chairs are a reminder of what we have endured this year. Whether it be loved ones who are sick, unable to travel or those we have lost, more people than ever are missing at tables around the country and the world.
In difficult times it is hard to stay hopeful. But especially this year, it’s important to remember that even before the pandemic, many of us have lived through other forms of sadness or loss. Kids grow up and move away, parents and grandparents pass, those who serve overseas are unable to come home to be with their families, and the list goes on. Although we may not know when the world will return to a sense of normalcy, we all await the day that the pandemic ends and the virus becomes a thing of the past.
For many of us, this will not be easy, but there is hope. We can still find meaning, connection, and cheer in the things we do have, even if it feels at times that we don’t have much.
In our household, the holidays were the best time of year because we always spent them together. Decked out holiday trees, apple cider, a lavish spread of entrees and sides, silly holiday outfits for the dogs. We all gathered at the table over great food, exchanged stories and memories, and talked about how this was our favorite time of year. But this is the fourth year that one of the seats at our table will be empty. And that is a reality my family faces every year. Sometimes learning by doing is the best we can do, and then we get better at it as the years go on. Since this year is my fourth time around since the loss, I learned a few things from previous years that I hope can be of help to others.
Know that parts of the holiday will be wonderful and that some will be sad. For me, the anticipation of the upcoming holiday season is usually worse than the actual holiday itself. I find myself becoming more anxious as the holidays grow closer, but then find that the holidays themselves provide some level of healing. That’s not to say there aren’t some days that I feel sad. There are many days like that, but the important thing to note is that not every day will be like that. Some days will be better than others, and as time goes on, the good days will eventually outnumber the bad.
It’s OK to feel the way you feel. Grief often recruits many different emotions within us, and when we’re feeling multiple emotions at once, untangling one particular emotion can be difficult. One feeling that is particularly difficult to handle is anger, given that it is socially unacceptable to be angry during the holidays. But pretending nothing is wrong won’t spare you any pain. It is important to acknowledge the way you feel, because stuffing this feeling down and repressing it will only amplify it, and it will manifest at a future time. Often when your emotional reserve is wearing thin. Acknowledging whatever emotions you may be feeling is the best way to understand them, sort them out, and move forward. When your emotions feel out of whack, and you are having difficulty coping, do your best to remember the good times, laugh about funny memories, and acknowledge that you miss the person you loved so much.
Just be. Sometimes holidays can be difficult for peripheral family members, and by that, I mean in-laws, close family friends, work acquaintances, neighbors, etc. These times are often trying for them because they don’t know what to say or what to do. A good rule of thumb is, if you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Family gatherings can be tense, particularly if the loss is recent. When people are in pain, they tends to be more reactive due to having less emotional reserve than usual. Instead of focusing on trying to “fix” things, just be there. Chances are the family you are trying to support is grateful just for your presence. Remember that silence is powerful. So if you want to focus on something. Be a good friend, be a good listener, and just be present at the moment.
Take care of yourself. Try and follow your normal routine whenever possible, especially if it already includes eating healthy and exercising. When people are grieving, there can be a tendency to drown that pain in less healthy devices like sugar and alcohol. If alcohol is present, remember to drink responsibly or not at all if you’re worried about it being a problem. Keep up with exercise as this helps clear your mind and lower your stress. When you’re emotionally taxed, it is even more important to try to get good sleep.
Navigating family traditions. There is no easy answer when it comes to family traditions. It is usually best to discuss as a family what the best thing to do is. Sometimes family traditions can be a wonderful way to remember a loved one, but sometimes they can be too painful to bear without them. Finding a new normal is exceptionally difficult. Don’t feel obligated to come up with an answer for each subsequent holiday season now. Every year that goes by will be different, and plans can be adjusted accordingly.
Gift-giving. Gift-giving can be one of the toughest parts of the holidays because the lost loved one’s absence is so profound. It can be helpful to give a gift on behalf of the person who died to honor their memory. Donate to a hospital, assemble care packages for veterans, donate to a food bank, serve meals at a homeless shelter, adopt a pet, donate clothes or school supplies, etc.
One final word about loss during the holidays. It is often difficult to reflect on the holidays when we are grieving positively. One thing to keep in mind is that the loved one/ones we lost would want us to remember them fondly and enjoy the holiday season. The holidays are rare occasions when families who are often separated by long distances come together. That time is precious, and as we well know, is limited. Making the most of the time, you have together will be a work in progress and a pathway to healing.
*Originally published on KevinMD.com
https://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2020/11/empty-chairs-at-the-table-this-holiday-season.html